We never went to the Moon (No, really.)
by Dwayne A. Day
|Of course it is ironic that the Americans had to fake the moon landings, because they already had access to the flying saucer technology recovered at Roswell in 1947.|
We now know from reputable sources that the Soviets were about to upstage the American Apollo 8 and Apollo 11 missions by sending cosmonauts to orbit the moon. But their rockets failed, which some people believe is even more proof that it is impossible to send people to the moon. Unfortunately, the Soviet Union lacked the filmmaking technology of the United States and they were unable to fake their own moon missions. But they did find out about the American deception and blackmailed the United States into shipping them millions of tons of grain to buy their silence. Yuri Gagarin found out about this plan, which is why the KGB had him killed. Why else would the United States prevent its adversary from starving except to keep them silent about a major scandal?
Of course it is ironic that the Americans had to fake the moon landings, because they already had access to the flying saucer technology recovered at Roswell in 1947. The three alien pilots all died and were dissected at Wright Patterson Air Force Base, but the flying disc was relatively intact. Unfortunately, the Air Force was not able to successfully copy the disc’s power source, which used a form of Zero Point Energy that the Nazis had tried to perfect. After nearly two decades of trying, the project was finally shelved until the technology was later revived in the 1980s and successfully used to power the Aurora spyplane during test flights in the Bermuda Triangle. Some of the flying disc technology was used in the Stealth Bomber. By an amazing coincidence, the same hangar at Area 51 that for years housed the alien craft was used as the soundstage for the faked moon landings. No American president knew about the Roswell craft or the aliens until Richard Nixon, which is why he had to be removed from office after he found out. Mr. X fed damaging information about Nixon to Woodward and Bernstein using the codename Deep Throat. A few years later, some people in Hollywood made a movie called Capricorn One about a faked Mars mission that also proved that the Apollo landings were fake. Mr. X was called out of retirement to deal with the people involved in this project, one by one. The movie starred O.J. Simpson, and Mr. X had him framed.
A few of Mr. X’s lieutenants stayed with NASA and spent most of their time keeping space exploration expensive, destroying anybody who tried to make it accessible for ordinary people. They were remarkably successful at this. But they were not perfect. They failed to suppress pictures of the Face on Mars. But they were able to destroy a Mars craft in 1992 that would have taken more photos of the Face. By a truly ironic coincidence, their successful efforts in the 1980s to thwart the implementation of the metric system led to the destruction of another Mars spacecraft in the late 1990s that they had not planned on destroying.
|Today most of the people who were involved in faking the moon landing have retired or died, although a few of them are involved in other things. Some of them helped the Contras smuggle drugs into the inner city, or framed Martha Stewart.|
In the mid-1990s NASA’s budget was being cut and the agency was under attack. So NASA leaders turned to some of Mr. X’s trusted lieutenants and asked them to fake a Mars rover mission and boost the agency’s image. The little Sojourner rover which was supposedly rolling around the Martian surface was actually filmed on a soundstage. But it was not in the same hangar used for the faked Apollo landings. That hangar at the time housed an alien UFO that crashed in Pennsylvania in the 1960s. So they used a Hollywood soundstage instead, which they rented from actress Mira Sorvino, who had gotten a Best Supporting Actress Oscar in 1992 in return for agreeing to work for the United States Government. Senator John Glenn found out about this. So, under orders from NASA Administrator Goldin and President Bill Clinton, Mr. X’s lieutenants arranged to have Glenn fly on a space shuttle in order to buy his silence. But Clinton soon ran afoul of some of these powerful men, and we all know what happened to him (Lewinsky). Clinton has recently gotten payback in his memoir where he mentions the Apollo lunar landing hoax. You can look it up. Page 156.
Today most of the people who were involved in faking the moon landing have retired or died, although a few of them are involved in other things. Some of them helped the Contras smuggle drugs into the inner city, or framed Martha Stewart. Some of them now work for Halliburton (formerly Brown and Root—another coincidence?), where they run the program to build a natural gas pipeline through Afghanistan. George Bush was told to invade that country by his Saudi masters, some of whom are not even human, but aliens. Why do you think Saudi “women” wear those burkas? They hide their tentacles. Fortunately, Michael Moore is investigating.
However, although little of this original talent remains, today’s technology is so advanced that it would be much easier to fake new space landings using computers and some basic props. That is why President Bush announced a new Mars program. NASA is right now remodeling the Area 51 soundstage. I hear that the fat guy who directed the Lord of the Rings movies is in charge of the project.